For early January, it wasn't very cold.  Victor wanted to be high on an
Eastern slope of the Penetas Hills, to catch the first glimpse of the Sun as
it edged over the horizon.  It may have been abnormally warm this year but
that is not to say it was comfortable in the early morning.  Climbing the hill
had warmed Victor.  A few days ago he had watched from his camp as several
Mule Deer ran off the night chill in the early sunshine on this hillside.  He
sat down on a rock just below the ridge as the first rays began to energize
the desert there.
   As he scanned the hillside below him and the Mesquite grove beyond that for
the deer, he declined to engage any thoughts that arose from his memory.  He let
his mind be filled by immediate input from his surrounding's.  He attached no
valuation or judgement of any kind through comparison to templates stored in
his brain.  In other words, he wasn't thinking in the ordinary sense of the
word.  However he was alert to his surroundings.  Looking at an Ocotilla or
some bird landing on it would recall the associated word to the the surface.
He didn't dwell on it or make inferences therefrom.  He merely maintained
awareness of the input of his senses including the presence of these other
living beings.  If an animal he was interested in eating had come within the
scope of his sensory aperture he would have reacted in accordance with his
needs.  That implies memory was still accessable, but purely in input mode, at
the moment.  However, to change from inactive to active mode would have
destroyed the proximity to the primordial state of mind and brought him a step
closer to the rest of humanity.  Only genuine need will drive him to disrupt
that level of peace in the times when he can maintain it.  He hopes to live in
peace some day.
   To live there he would have to strip away all his desires, expectations,
pretentions, posturings and the rest of the clutter that most of us fill our
minds with.  That is, give up the thoughts that relate him to the rest of
humanity.  Those thought constructs, which are the substance of personality
or identity are among the delusions that deny primordial awareness and peace.
However, people can't simply be ignored so he continues to try to find a way
to regain his fundamental humanity and interact with people at the same time.
He thinks that if he looks into possible origins of the human state of mind he
might find some clues which will lead him to the discovery of a way to
trancend himself while still living in the common world of humanity.
   He wonders how we got to be where we are today from the beginnings of
thought.  Is the corruption of humanity due to certain types of acts that
should be forbidden?  He doesn't think so.  He thinks it is the misuse of
natural group instincts by a greedy few that has brought humanity low.  Our
nature is just our nature and there is no absolute good or evil in it.  You
should note that Victor makes a distinction between his humanity and his nature.
And if it comes to placing a value nature is higher.  It is the manipulation
of that nature by a craven minority that is offensive and defines historic
humanity.  Victor defines sin as an offense against nature that limits the
freedom of the natural spirit of the human animal.  He wrote the following
when he returned to his campsite about nine AM.

   Just as sin is an encumbrance to one's soul, so it is a sin to encumber
one's soul by giving power over one's self to another.
   I have lived in isolation much of the past three years.  Isolation causes
insanity I am told. I don't know.  I have had a lot of time to think.  I've
thought about how I came to be in the state I am in.  I thought about how the
human species came to be in the state we are in.  I'm not particularly happy
with either state.  But I still enjoy life, especially when isolated from the
human part of it.
   Isolation has allowed me to almost perceive myself as free of the power of
other humans.  At least the influence has been minimized because the interaction
has been minimized.  That partial freedom reduces the encumbrance of my soul.
It begins to free me from what I have come to see as original sin.  One form
of that sin is to take power over another or to give another power over one's
self.  We are not born with original sin.  We learn to perpetually commit it in
the course of our lives.
   My desire to not commit this sin any longer is a handicap, a disability in
the world of humanity.  I am often seen as not wanting to work or wanting to
lead and refusing to follow.  Bullshit!  I'm not lazy and work hard on my own
projects even though they produce no income.  I will follow only one who is
doing better at not committing this sin, because I wish to become less, not
more, sinful.  I can not interact normally with others without increasing
my sinfulness.
   The dilemma is to survive without sinning.  The only ways I know to survive
are dependant on sinful interaction with others.  If a sinless way to survive
is possible I still need to sin while I teach it to myself.  I accept that
condition but place the responsibility on the system which demands the sin to
begin with.  That may be a little cynical but not unnecessarily so.  It is not
hypocritical.  It is a practical necessity as is a good plan if I am to succeed
in freeing my self from sin.
   I don't really expect any help from others but would be pleased if there
were no sinful strings attached.  At least no more sinful than I still am at
the time the help is forthcoming.
   What of the world of humanity if everyone chose to act so?  They won't!
Though I don't care if they do.  I care for no followers any more than I care
to follow anyone into sin.  I am a threat to no one.  This is the way I choose
to deal with the expressed and impied threats of the system to those who will
not sin.  The same threats we each deal with one way or another every day of
our lives.
   If you don't yet understand why I feel this way don't ask.  I have explained
all that I intend to explain.  I hope at least you understand that it not that
I fear to play the game.  It is that most of us can't win.  The game is fixed.
It is all in the numbers.  Original sin works only for the originators.
Frankly, I don't understand how the rest of you live the way you do and delude
yourselves so completely about it.  "Life is a bitch", you say, but have you
ever really thought about why it has to be that way?  And I'm not talking
about the canned arguments we've been subjected to.  Training is the problem
not the solution.  Save your conditioned responses for someone who likes a
short leash.
   Please don't see this as an invitation to a philosophical discussion. There
is nothing I am willing to discuss about it.  The sin is the sin and that is
all there is to it.  If you disagree simply go your sinful way.  Enjoy your
delusion.  Don't insult me with foolish advice.  It would simply fuel my
righteous anger.
   Just as I will not be swayed by argument neither will I be intimidated by
anything said or done.  If argument, threat or entreaty, whatever, should
momentarily slip through my defences, I will swiftly deal with the breech and
regain my position.  This place I choose to stand and I will not retreat
from it.

   "Victor, isn't all that about not wanting to sin anymore just rationalization
after the fact?  Sour grapes?  To use your own metaphore: they won't let you
'sin anymore'!"
   "I don't think it is rationalization so much as realization. Yes, I tried
and failed to get a job before I gave up.  But having given up has allowed me
the time to think about the state of humanity and how we came to be where we
are.  I didn't realize I'd been deluded when I was playing the game because I
was always too distracted by the necessities of survival to pay attention.
Now I am attending!"
   "Yeah, but what if they offer you a good job or you get some money some other
way?  Won't you forget all that about sin and how bad the economy is for many
people and taking a stand and all that?"
   "It's possible.  Better people than me have been bought off.  But I hope not
and I think not.  I've come too far and I don't think I can go back.  You know,
you can't go home and all that.  I think I've gained some real insight here and
I don't think I could lose it even if I wanted to.  I wanted to understand what
it was all about.  Now I'm afraid I've been cursed with the fulfilment of that
wish.  All that is left for me now is the real job and the hard part.  That is:
to determine what to do about it and to do it."
   "What insight, that greed is the basis of the culture?"
   "No, everyone knows that.  The knowledge is about the basic workings of the
mind.  Thought is a tool that we humans use to aid in our survival.  Group
formation also aids survival.  All of our systems of morality, ethics, religion,
nationalism and whatever, hold our societies together.  That glue is made of
abstract human thought inventions.  Some cohesive agent is required for the
species to continue but it doesn't have to consist of delusions designed to
benefit the few at the expense of the many.
   "More certainly, if the cohesive agents are detrimental to the species it
follows that they have become corrupted.  If they benifit the few more than the
many, even if the species isn't threatened, they are being corrupted and their
power abused.  That's the story of history.  But until recently the glue has
always been based on morality attributed to sources founded in superstition.
Today, our culture is in transition between control by God and control by
agreement based on understanding.
   "So far so good.  But the beneficiaries of the old system are using modern
media to guarantee that their ability to exploit us continues without
interruption.  Instead of creating a lucid, strong and intellectually autonomous
populace they are replacing a superstitious delusion with a psuedo-scientific
delusion for the elite (and the wannabes) and behavioral conditioning for the
rest of us.  What doesn't change is the use of delusion to conserve a tradition
of exploitation.  Their rationalization, which appears to be accepted, is that
things have always been this way, therefore it is natural.  "If you see through
it just do it and don't rock the boat": that's the kind of answer they give to
whistle blowers like me.  But the numbers don't support it.  Not that many can
be elite.
   "Philosophical argument is also pointless.  The rulers will say anything
that works to distract you while they systematically rob you of everything up
to and including your life.  And the philosophies all support their intentions
(though intentions don't matter in the ends).  That is why the abstractions
were invented in the first place.   So, as I said, all that remains is to
figure out what I can do about it.  If I fail, and the greatest danger is
failing to connect with others who have the same or very similar perspectives,
then others must take the responsibility.  The only thing that is assured is
the prime benificiaries of our culture will take no responsibilty for us or
our situatioon even though they created the situation for their benefit."
   "Victor, granted there has always been exploitation but what about 'using
modern media'?  Who is doing this?  Can you prove it?  I agree the culture is
in a transition between systems of morality and that old and new both support
the current economic system but can you show that anyone intended to delude
people?"
   "I don't care what anyone intended.  It doesn't matter to me when I'm dead
if my killer acted maliciously or with the best of intentions or whether it was
a completely unconsious act or ommission.  I don't care who that killer is.  I
know that many die in misery so a few can live in luxury.  It is obvious to
anyone who opens their eyes.  There is no need for proof.  There is nothing to
discuss except how to prevent more miserable deaths including my own.  Twice
now I've stated: 'all that remains is to figure out what I can do about it'.
That's three.  And all you have to do is to figure out whose side you're on!"
   "Delusions of granduer, Victor?"
   "Perhaps someday but not yet.  I claim only to have rid myself of the normal
delusions about the benefit our culture has for most of us.  Our leaders are
either malicious, incompetant or both.  Whether or not they intend to be
advocates for our well being they are not.  Whether through incompetance or
treachery they have sold us out.  I'm talking about the real leaders, the
owners.  Their lackey CEOs, politicians, generals, academics and judges are
usually mere sycophants.  I've opened my eyes.  Any delusions I still harbor
don't occlude my view of the economic reality.
   "Part of that reality is the need to submit to humiliating control in order
to have some small chance to live a miserable life within the system.  If in
defining that control as original sin I am over reacting in your judgement, too
bad.  Judgement and evalution of others is a means of control.  To care about
your critique of me would complicate my sin, so buzz off!  Not that I think you
will.  If you did you wouldn't be normal and if you did and were normal, I
would have to re-evaluate society in the matter of judgementalism.  I doubt
I'll do any soul searching in that area in the near future.  I may give
consideration to aompatable set of definitions of original sin.  The one form
I mentioned is very basic but there are probably more.
   "The original notion of original sin is from Genesis.  'Eating of the fruit
of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.'  Without explaining what that means,
the religions which use that weapon to intimidate and control, hustle you
directly from the fear of the punishment you would receive for having inherited
this sin, to a full pardon, through the expedience of baptism or circumcision.
So, does that mean original sin is a concept invented for the purpose of
exploitation?  Not necessarily.  Though it certainly has been corrupted to
that use it may be that it was first invented as a metaphore to describe the
evil humanity has invented.  That evil being the curruption of the power of
the group as a whole for the well being of a few.  Of course there are many
other evils that have been plucked from that tree but this is the primary sin.
The connection with knowledge is the invention of the idea to take from the
group for ones own benefit.
   "Making that connection helps to understand the Biblical notion of original
sin but it is not an alternative to my notion of the error as seeking control.
It only speaks to control by intrigues of power or any thoughtful application
of power for that matter.  Maybe I should talk about it as enforced conformity
for the benefit of a few instead of voluntary self control for the benefit of
all.  At the moment I can't think of anything that might have changed humanity
for the worse that doesn't come down to power and control of the group at large
by a few and for their own benefit.  In fact, a besetting sin implies things
were somehow better, or less oppressive, before the change.  Maybe the whole
notion was invented by some patriarch because he was bitter over being deposed
by an alliance of weaker but smarter upstarts.  But now I'm sidetracked into
the Biblical sense of the concept and that opens a whole can of worms about
absolute good and evil, righteousness and religion that serves as a distraction
from the fact that the present system is dysfunctional for most of us.
Understanding the origins of ideas, upon which order in our culture is founded,
may help in the analysis of our thought processes, which in turn may help us
to create positive change, but if it confuses the issues it becomes a less than
useless occupation.
   "So what is worth thinking about?  In 1970 T-bone steak was 99 cents/pound.
I bought a new 1970 oldsmobile for four thousand dollars in that year.  One
person making $20,000/year could support a family more comfortably than two
making $80,000 between them can today.  (If salaries doubled while prices
increased fivefold you are making forty per cent of what you would have earned
in 1970.)  It's also worth thinking about jobs going out of the country while
CEOs fill their pockets.  You might reflect on what happens to the people who
are caught in downsizings when every CEO is cutting expenses to get the stock
price (and his or her options) higher.  You could think about what it is like
to watch those assholes loot the country while you slip closer and closer to
starvation and they propagate moralizations and ideology like some sort perverse
compensation for the damage they do to us.
   "Then we look at these corporate heroes and tell our chidren to emulate them.
We pretend we are like them when we work our petty intrigues on one another.
And by descending to the lowest common denominator of unscrupulousness we help
them to rationalize their renewal of original sin.  We pretend to participate
in both sides of it ourselves.  We take on the guilt for the destruction of
humanity and our reward is the tripes and bones they are willing to throw us
along with their advice and arrogant, pretentious moralizings.  We allow
ourselves, sinfully, to be controlled, while affecting personas in control of
themseves.  We can not be free of original sin until we quit indulging
ourselves in this childish pretentiousness and posturing.  Until we can
distinguish between the superficial and the substantive."

   As Victor rode his bicycle along the ten miles of dirt road to the pavement,
he stayed alert to his surroundings.  Having made the trip many times, he was
able to consider other matters as well.  Though after a few weeks in the
desert without human company, his thoughts, which were few, stayed close to
the ground and the origin of life.  He feels he is at his personal peak of
mental strength and clarity until now in his life.  He recognizes that he still has
much to do and much not to do in order to achieve primordial consciousness.
He sees that state as lucid, strong and autonomous.  Alert and in possession
of mind and memory to be used to aid the doing of what needs to be done.  To
be stilled but alert when there is nothing to do.  It requires that he master
and discipline his mind to function correctly, without guilt and fear from
memory or anxiety or fear for the future, while remaining alert to reality and
remembering relevant experience.  It is much easier to say than to do.  He knows
that when he is saying it, even to himself, he isn't doing it.
   "Victor, what about God and goodness?  You've talked about ridding yourself
of delusion and seeing reality clearly but what of morality?"
   "We must act towards one another in a way that is mutually beneficial if we
want our societies to work."
   "Hasn't God shown us how to do that?"
   "Not me.  And if God has chosen to keep me in the dark, concerning God's
will, I don't think it is up to you or anyone else to setup as middle man.
God has left that up to each individual.  It is each of our tasks to see
through the the deceptions that others create to satisfy their greed.  We must
each see, that in order for us to survive, we must not act as the deceivers
act.  We must work together and help one another.  We must live the morality,
taught by most religions, not for God's sake but for our own.  We must each
see that righteous living is not only in our self interest but required for
survival.  Saying the words does not make a thing so.  We must all live them
because we know they describe the only viable reality, not because we fear
punishment by God or anyone else but because we know we are punishing ourselves
or our neighbors to do otherwise."
   "But what about those who won't live right, who continue to be greedy, even
when they know what is right?"
   "When the majority awaken to that reality and to the reality that God has
proved indifferent to those weak deceivers, that problem will be solved."

   When he reached the two lane blacktop Victor stashed his bike under a
mesquite tree near the junction with the ranch road. He walked out to the
pavement and stuck out his thumb.  Ten minutes later he was on his way to
Tucson with a retired carpenter named Carlos Truhillo.  The older man talked
of his forty years as a construction worker while he drove north on I-19.